The long road….

So I guess its 8am as the tannoy has just sounded to test the station crash alarm. My heart is absolutely pounding!!! That’s confirmation that I could never continue my career in the RAF.

I have been sat wide awake since just after 6, having tossed and turned all night. I cant remember much of my dream but from what I do remember it wasn’t nice. Trying to ignore that image for the rest of the day will be the most difficult bit.

Whoever is in the room above me also feels the need to make as much noise as possible, banging cupboards, wardrobes and doors as he goes. Right dogs fed, walked & emptied so I’m off for my med appt…..

It was great to see my doc again, he is such a lovely man. He always shows genuine interest in how I am. My old CPN was also great but she has been posted. I always seemed to have my councellling sessions when ‘Homes Under The Hammer’ was on and I just so cannot watch that anymore without feeling nervous. Everytime I attended the appointments I wouldn’t be able to eat first as my tummy was turning and my heart was pounding. I used to dread it because I knew I would have to relive things I wanted to forget….

Today’s appt was a review on how I was as well as having prelims prior to my med board. I was meant to have a hearing test but there was no way I could sit in the booth, it was so suffocating!!!!

I also had a dental appt arranged due to the fact I have to drive for over 2 hours to get to Cranwell for anything. I’m back now though and settled on the sofa completely washed out!! I bid you all a fabulous weekend xx

About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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