Wind them up & watch them go…

Well what a day!!! I’m sure most of you remember those wind-up toys that just took off once you’ve wound them to the max. Well I have felt like one of those toys since waking up this morning…..

Today was a day of anger for no particular reason. I woke way too early again after what I would class as a minor dream compared to some I’ve had recently. My chest felt really tight and I felt hyper sensitive to all the different noises. I cant explain how I felt except think of a person that really gets on your nerves and grates on you, image you and this other person are stuck in a faulty lift so your feeling a little claustrophobic and this other person just wont shut up!! Well I felt ready to blow for sure!!

I was meant to travel to visit my lovely niece and celebrate her sons 1st birthday but sadly there was no way I would be able to handle it and I so didn’t want to ruin there day with an ‘episode’.

On my doggy walk I kept thinking someone was following me so I kept turning round. I was clearly anxious and hyper-vigilant so I decided I would take the pooches to my grandparents as they always have a calming affect on me. I then went up to my flat as I needed to burn off the anger, I ended up packing up most of my flat which is what I have been trying to do all week but never had the inclination or energy to do it.

It got to about 3pm and I went back to my grandparents to spend the evening with them. We looked through old pics and reminised and I have now come down from it. I am still a little anxious but on a very limited scale.

All that from waking up – welcome to PTSD as I know it….

About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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