Tired of being sick and tired!!

Sat reclined on my comfy chair watching mindless TV in the hope I doze off. I’m absolutely shattered but yet when I lie in bed I cannot sleep straight away which really annoys me!!

My mood has been fluctuating all day but not really settled to anything in particular. I had so many plans on what to do with my day yesterday. I wanted to finish sorting through my things ready for moving and then work on my book. What I actually achieved was none of that.

I woke after an unpleasant dream massively off kilt. I was walking my little girl and could still visualise my dream and feel some of the dread. That feeling hasn’t left me all day but thankfully the images have. I visited my nan & grandad twice today and my mum popped over for breakfast. I walked to the post office and had my ‘bouffant’ done. Apart from that and walking my little girl I’ve done very little else. My head has just felt numb all day and even talking was a trial. It’s hard to explain the feeling really but it’s not something that’s nice at all.

This is like most of my days which is so very frustrating. I suddenly find the will but then I go into a slump too quickly, sometimes even before I finish my tasks. I’ve put so much weight on because I haven’t been running or to the gym for almost 3 months. The want is there but I physically & mentally don’t have it. My appetite is also pretty much up and down which also doesn’t help. I soo wish I could click out of this but I don’t currently hold that ability.

Day by day is all I have…

About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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4 Responses to Tired of being sick and tired!!

  1. Denise says:

    Hey sis keep walking forward n thinking forward your doing just great, I know it doesn’t feel like it but you really are. One day at a time n try not to get frustrated with yourself it’s ok to av these set backs, just keep believing that tomorrow’s guna be a gud day n keep repeating it. Luv you soo much xxx

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  2. Carl Lloyd says:

    Hi Michelle, you are such an inspiration to scores of people including me. I never really understood PTSD but reading your blog gives a frank insight into how it can affect anyone, you have always been dynamic in your work and a force to be recognised. I have known you for 13 years or so and if anyone can find a way to deal with this it is you, it may not happen in the short term but in the long term I am sure you will have developed a better understanding of this illness and that understanding will be recognised by others particularly those in the professional field of mental health, and hopefully in the future the Michelle Sanderson formula will be published to help others in similar situations. I know that nothing people say can make life easier for you and it may seem that at times those who know you seem to be moving forward with their lives while you remain standing still but one day you will catch them up and overtake them and get back a sense of normality that you now crave. Don’t let this beat you, be strong and be that force to be recognised again. I have no doubt that you are in a lot of people’s hearts and minds as they go about their daily business, never feel alone. Love you dear friend x

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    • mitsanuk says:

      Hi Carl, thank you so much for your kind words and I am glad my blogs are providing insight into a little known illness. It means a lot to me to have your continued love and support. Luv back at ya xx

      Like

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