Sat reclined on my comfy chair watching mindless TV in the hope I doze off. I’m absolutely shattered but yet when I lie in bed I cannot sleep straight away which really annoys me!!
My mood has been fluctuating all day but not really settled to anything in particular. I had so many plans on what to do with my day yesterday. I wanted to finish sorting through my things ready for moving and then work on my book. What I actually achieved was none of that.
I woke after an unpleasant dream massively off kilt. I was walking my little girl and could still visualise my dream and feel some of the dread. That feeling hasn’t left me all day but thankfully the images have. I visited my nan & grandad twice today and my mum popped over for breakfast. I walked to the post office and had my ‘bouffant’ done. Apart from that and walking my little girl I’ve done very little else. My head has just felt numb all day and even talking was a trial. It’s hard to explain the feeling really but it’s not something that’s nice at all.
This is like most of my days which is so very frustrating. I suddenly find the will but then I go into a slump too quickly, sometimes even before I finish my tasks. I’ve put so much weight on because I haven’t been running or to the gym for almost 3 months. The want is there but I physically & mentally don’t have it. My appetite is also pretty much up and down which also doesn’t help. I soo wish I could click out of this but I don’t currently hold that ability.
Day by day is all I have…