My head is in a spin…

So I couldn’t write this yesterday evening as I had a terrible headache. I collapsed on the sofa and stayed there!! I find myself sat on my sofa again this morning looking out of my window and it’s pouring down outside, doggies are snoring and I’m just here feeling down for no particular reason…still feeling my dream and flitting back to it randomly.

I watched the news last night and the first item was covering the memorial of Alan Henning who was brutally murdered by ISIS . The very next news item featured the release of the teacher David Bolam from Libya….is it just me or was that a tad insensitive? It is news I guess and great news for David’s family but a massive kick in the teeth for the Hennings family, so tragic. It just shows the difference in terrorist organisations I guess, so unpredictable.

On a separate note I received a message today from SSAFA following my email to them stating how disappointed I was after receiving their letter. Apparently they left 2 messages on my answer machine….for those who know me you will know I am never separated from my phone (even in the bathroom)!! Even if I don’t pick up a call I always listen to any messages and return calls. Why on earth would I not reply to someone who is ‘providing a service’ I so desperately require????

It’s really difficult to explain what is happening to me which is why I expected support from the people who are supposed to be there to help me. I was kinda hoping they would understand my illness but it is becoming evident that this is not necessarily the case. Apart from my current GP who has been so supportive I feel let down. Even my GP gets frustrated and I can’t blame him. If the medical system understood then they wouldn’t expect me to have to travel 2-5 hours to attend a counselling session to then do the journey back.

I feel isolated from everyone, if the very people who are meant to support me through this illness don’t understand then how on earth can I expect my friends and family to understand.

I am very lucky that my head is in a place to still be able to think sensibly because when that dark cloud is surrounding you it’s very easy to let it consume you….

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About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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