Mr Lathem to clinic room 9 please..

I’m currently sat in a hospital waiting room as my mother attends her orthopaedic review appointment. For those of you who have read previous posts I bet you can’t guess what’s on the TV? Homes Under the bloody Hammer!! This programme is going to haunt me forever. I used to like watching it but now it’s a constant reminder of counselling sessions and my med board….

The waiting room was initially quiet but now there is a huge muffling of patients talking, the TV, receptionists booking in, nurses calling for patients to either go to x – ray or to clinic room 9. The noise comes in spates, crescendos and then dums down a bit. Noise is one of the things that truly bothers me now. My heart is beating fast currently and I am now conscious of my foot tapping on the floor as I become more agitated. I just want to shout ‘Sssshhhuuuuttt UP’ but I would end up being sectioned!!! Everytime someone walks in my head is up watching where they go. Above all the noise in and around the place is the sound of metal crutches hitting the floor!!!!

There is an old man sitting next to me who is continually staring at me but when I look up he turns away. I keep looking up on purpose now just to keep me entertained and focused on something. He has just stood up at the shout of “John Lathem to room 9” so my cheap entertainment is over.

I keep jumping in and out of a book I am reading by Lynda Bellingham ‘There’s Something I’ve Been Dying To Tell You’ but I have to keep putting it down. I’m sure you all know by now that Lynda has terminal cancer which is so very tragic. What you don’t know is that ever since my charity event was dedicated to her and a close friend we have been in touch, conversing via twitter as well as some beautiful emails. I read Lynda’s book about her life struggles and she has been through so much, always managing to bounce back. I recognised a lot of my own journey through life in her story and since looked upon her as one of the people who truly inspires me. What has touched me with all our communication is the time she has taken to write some lovely emails to me despite her personal battle. She is a genuine beautiful lady and I would love to just go and give her a massive hug!!!!

I am going to finish here for the time being and will return this evening.

Finally sat down after quite a productive afternoon. Arrived at the house around half 12 and proceeded to finish filling in the cracks. I finished one big wall and then started putting on the first layer of paint. It doesn’t sound much but for me right now it was an achievement. More tomorrow and then off for my 5 minute stand-up show!

So finally the system is working. I received a letter from SSAFA offering me a visit next week which obviously I will accept. As well as this I also had a result with my counselling sessions. They have finally suggested appointments closer to home which will be great and a whole lot more accessible for me. Quite a productive afternoon all in all.

Following my 5 minute stand-up routine I have to find my way to another venue as a fine group of comedians touring the ‘Short and Girlie Show’ have agreed to become involved in my charity single. There are asking the audience to join in with them singing the last quarter of the song ‘I’ll Stand By You’. Thanks ladies I’m so thankful.

Right I’m completely washed out so I’m gonna grab a beer and chill in front of the TV. Happy weekend all xx


About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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