Nightmare on my street.

It is now 0437 and im wide awake following a terrible dream. I wanted to write some details down now in case I’m lucky enough to go back to sleep. I will finish writing this up later……..still awake so I’m going to read to try to settle my mind. Amanda Prowse it is then….

So last night was terrible and the dream is still hanging over me a little bit. The only lingering emotion I’m feeling is sadness but the images are still quite vivid. I’m seeing the flesh and exposed bone of a fresh amputation.

I remember dropping off to sleep. I was half asleep and I could hear sirens. I was taken straight back to lying in my sleeping pod near the hospital at Camp Bastion. The next minute the radio is going off and we are rushing but to go on a final assessment field exercise. I rushed out and then instead of being at Bastion I was in a wooded area in my greens, rifle, burgan and helmet. I was told we would be getting into NBC gear soon so I reached into my burgan only to find my respirator wasn’t in there! I panicked and threw everything out of my burgan to find it but it definately wasn’t there. I was going to fail the exercise….

The next minute I looked up and saw an aeroplane spiralling out of the sky. It hit the ground and burst into flames. I ran over and I saw someone dragging a body out of the wreckage. The guy was awake but only making gurgling noises. I looked down and he was bleeding out from the exposed stumps where his legs should have been. I screamed for them to stop and I reached them finally. We needed to stop the bleeding or he was going to die. I was trying to tighten up a tourniquet but it just kept spinning around as I pulled, it just wouldn’t tighten at all. I looked into the guys face and he was just staring at me, his eyes like glass and black in colour….

The next minute im back in the desert and im on my knees sat on my feet. I was holding a child across my legs and his head was resting on my arm. I looked down but he had no face, it was just a ‘bloody’ mess. I saw a drop of blood dripping from my nose onto the child. I felt my face and there was a whole in my forehead where someone had shot me….

Then I woke up!!!! Such a terrible night and I couldn’t go back to sleep for such a long time.

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About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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