Trapped in a dream.

Currently sat in the bingo hall with my mum and Dave at half 12. I woke up later than planned following a really horrific dream. I spent the first part of the morning rushing around trying to get organised for the day ahead. I visited my nan and grandad as I do most mornings then walked over to my mums ready for going out for the day. I’m now sat down waiting for bingo a little shell shocked from my startled wake up, still feeling the emotions from my dream and only just smelling rotting flesh, a sensory reaction which thankfully disperses quickly.

My dream started with me decorating a really big room, I would say the size of a warehouse. I don’t remember what was stored in their except for some reason there was so many dead bodies standing up, all shapes and sizes and all in various stages of decomposition. The smell of rotting flesh coming from them was so overpowering and I gagged. I was getting used to it though and eventually I didn’t notice the smell. People started entering this room I was decorating and became distressed at the sight and smell of these bodies. I walked over to them and started to cover the corpses up so they could not be seen. When I looked around again all the bodies had been removed but I didn’t know how or who had moved them. I suddenly heard someone shouting that they had found something on the floor which they identified as an item from someone they knew. Sadly this meant having to find where the bodies had been relocated and search through them to find the person they where looking for. We did find her though which brought some closure for the family involved. I did know the girl during my dream but I couldn’t tell you where or who she was.

The location then shifted to a big open piece of ground and everyone was trying to find somewhere to sleep out in the open. I was trying to get tucked up in my sleeping back but I noticed we were surrounded by those same bodies lying out on the ground with us. Lying amongst those bodies and us was lots of human bones. For some reason we were all sleeping outside waiting for a bell to sound which notified us all that a competition we were all entered into was due to commence. Before the competition we all had to find a body part to use as part of the games. I chose a round piece of bone but I couldn’t tell you who or what it belonged to, perhaps part of a skull? I settled down to try to get some rest but I couldnt because of all the corpses lying around.

Eventually the competition commenced and I had a partner to compete with. I couldn’t tell you who she was but I knew her in my dream. We had to complete a big swim with 2 guns in our hands and a £1 coin in our pocket which we couldn’t lose. I chose 2 pistols because it was easier. I was scared because I wasn’t a strong swimmer but it was easier than I thought. Once the swim was complete we got changed and ran over to the next training area where we had to complete a certain number of
squats holding the part of body we had to choose. Some of the competitors had been late choosing body parts so had to contend with bigger body parts which still had flesh hanging off them.

Mitsy was there from the start of the swim and had started crying. I woke up with a start and I could hear my little girl wimpering downstairs. It was light outside which is strange because it’s normerly dark when I wake up. I looked at the time and it was 9.15am. I had set my alarm to go off at 8 but it didn’t go off. I looked at my phone and at first I couldn’t work out why my screen wouldn’t come on. It slowly dawned on me that despite me plugging my phone in I hadnt switched the power on! I shot out of bed because my little girl was crying, probably with her legs crossed 😆 With rushing about and waking suddenly from an awful dream I am still just not with it. I feel like I’m walking around in a daze, it’s really floored me. On days that start this way I just feel like curling up in a ball and crying but not wanting to go back to sleep for fear of finding my way back into the same dream….
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About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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