You can save yourself….

So after a busy couple of weeks I’ve now come back down to earth a little. It’s been an honour to be able to share my journey through the media in the hope it helps others but it’s exhausting because you are having to relive events. I keep in the back of my mind that it’s been helping so many others and it makes it all worth it.

One comment that came out this week that I would like to address is:

” Poor woman but its not stopped her running her own decorating business”.

To a degree this comment is correct but it isn’t as it seems. Why is it I am having to take a risk by setting up my own business? The reason is, if I don’t work for my myself the chances of holding down a full time job for an employer would be pretty slim. Some days I cannot get up in a morning and when I do its difficult to function following a bad night. Working for myself is the only option I have if I want to earn a living. I cannot guarantee a livable income with or without this but I have to do something. I hope this goes some way towards explaining this.

I received a letter this week from a Sexual Violance Advisor informing me of the support they can offer me during my child abuse case. However, as we all know the abuser died so there will no longer be a court case. One of the things they said they could help with is to provide practical advice for Criminal Injuries Compensation Claims. Since receiving this letter I have been going through an internal battle considering what to do. I am not one to reap revenge for anything but sometimes justice has to be done. Part of me just wants to leave it there and try to move on but I must admit to there being a niggle which is slowly eating away at me. My abuser has died and I feel like he has got away with it, taking away the purest thing you could take from anyone. For that reason the other part of me wants to make a claim for compensation. Don’t get me wrong though it’s not about the money, in fact if I do apply then any monies will go to my charity. I want people to know what he has done and this is the only thing I can see of doing this now. However, it isn’t an easy decision because I also feel concerned that I would be hurting the people closest to him who have lost someone they love. Should I disgrace a deceased man?

I’m really in turmoil as to what to do so I would like to open the suggestion out for your thoughts. You guys have followed me through some tough times and I’ve fought every battle to date. I just need a little guidance on this so please feel free to comment please.

As just mentioned I’ve battled so much and I remain standing. I will continue the fight because I managed to save myself from some very dark places, not without the support of some very special people so thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am now receiving some treatment from a lovely couple and I’m slowly but surely coming back to life.

Evanescence – Bring Me To Life:

About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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3 Responses to You can save yourself….

  1. Matt says:

    Michelle, make the claim and keep at least some, if not all of it for yourself.
    I hate the compensation culture because the motive always seems to be greed, that’s not the case here and it’s the only form of restitution you’re going to get, save any peace of mind from knowing he can’t hurt anyone else.
    No shame attached, put yourself first and foremost.
    Much love.


  2. angie says:

    Hi michelle I wud make the claim dmt use the muny if u dont want to give it to charity but why shud he die a innocent man if is family dont no wat he did wel they shud why shud he die and ppl not no wat he did to u u make that claim use the muny for a gud cause let ppl not wat he was x x


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