Strange sort of day….

It has been a strange sort of day today. I was in the throws of painting a wall today when suddenly I was reminded of the fact that my abuser was being cremated today. I’m not sure how I feel about it but initially I was angry because he got away without being sentenced. I have decided to apply for compensation because I don’t want him getting away with it completely. As I discussed in a previous post, it has nothing to do with the money and everything to do with his reputation. Not only that but there may be other people out there who sufferred due to him, who will receive even less closure than I received. At least they, and I know he cannot take away anyone else’s innocence.

My phone never stopped today, I had 2 companies phone me to try to sell me business insurance for Shell Belle’s Handyworkers but I already have it. Then I received a call from a reporter at The Guardian newspaper. He wanted to talk about my experience as a paramedic both in and out of the military, as well as the stresses that come with the job. I then had a call from a lovely chap called Chris from RAFA who phoned to advise me on the financial assistance he can provide me with. Finally I open an email from another department of RAFA initially stating that I had declined the Recovery Pathway Programme which had apparently been offered. I informed him that this was the first I’d heard about it so he said he would look into it. My exit date is days away and I find out about all this now. It is so frustrating but both these guys are fantastic and have been very helpful, hopefully it’s not too late. Let’s hope things get sorted for me now. Throughout the various conversations surrounding my medical discharge they were surprised to learn that I had not heard about all the things available to me, and they stated I wasn’t on my own!!

My head has been so busy that I actually don’t know how I’m feeling. I’m angry, disappointed, and frustrated yet contented because I had a good day decorating. So many different emotions running through me at the moment. I even had the wrong day today, I thought it was Thursday all day!! I have another day of decorating tomorrow which I’m enjoying and then I have some therapy on Friday.

I was saddened to hear that a friend is struggling through a battle with PTSD now to the detriment of his family. I knew he had been struggling with it but it appears to be back with a vengeance. It is very difficult to understand what is going on in your own head without those around you trying to understand and accept the battle your going through. This hidden illness is breaking family after family, person after person, when is this going to be taken seriously. It is so infuriating…..aaarrrrgghhh!!

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About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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One Response to Strange sort of day….

  1. Kevin shore says:

    With you all they way xx when is your last day in the RAF?

    Like

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