Bring back the banter.

This week has been cracking so far except for the fact I’m ready for bed as soon as I get home. Grandad seems so much better now although he’s still not right. I’m really pleased he is recovering well.

I have been decorating this week, although I’ve not really done much painting yet. I’m really enjoying getting out and about to different homes and changing the way they look. It’s very rewarding seeing the results and I’m meeting some lovely people along the journey. I’m making some great new friends but I do.have to admit to missing my old mates. It breaks my heart that I haven’t heard from old friends from the RAF. I do hear from some randomly and a couple have been kind enough to visit me at home. I have not made it a secret that I lost a dear friend through my poor judgement during dark times, but I also feel that I have lost a few because they don’t know what to say to me.

I often wonder what it would be the situation would be like if I had sufferred a physical injury as apposed to a hidden injuru. I’m still me regardless of what I have been going through. So many people have have had terrible things going on in their lives which have punched them so hard in the chest it took their breath away. I’m no different, except I haven’t had much of a gap between stresses which caused me to crash…..

However, I don’t need pity, sympathy or space. I need banter like we used to have. There are good and bad days in all our lives, I just perhaps have more than ‘normal’. It would be great to hear from some of you guys again. I don’t want all our conversation to be centered around PTSD, depression, or anything else. I just want to talk about everyday random things. I don’t want my friends to avoid talking to me about things they are going through in their lives for fear of “adding to my burden”…. I want to be treated as I was before and I want to be there for you as I always was. Don’t be uncomfortable around me because it will then make me avoid functions more. I don’t want to be my illness…

I remember when I had my leg operated on. I was non-weight bearing for a few weeks and had so many visitors. Noone thought twice about asking how I was. Just because I have a problem you can’t see, it doesn’t mean it has to be scary, weird or any less real.

There are help guides in circulation to help guide families and friends on ‘how to cope with someone with a mental illness’. However helpful they are they may as well just say ‘everytime you see them tread on egg shells’. Trust me peeps, I can only speak for myself but I don’t want you all to be cautious with me. I want the BANTER. Just in case I haven’t made it clear enough, I NEED BANTER, I would like my friends back….

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About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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