The fog off war is lifting.

Everyone has been in a position at some point in your life where you are so consumed by a problem that it seems to be taking over your life. If your lucky enough not to have been then you are so very blessed. So take yourself to a place where your head was soooo busy you couldn’t think straight. The problem/s are so great that you feel smothered by it. There is a problem that you can’t see beyond, that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach. Void of any emotion, unable to voice what is wrong with you. Like your in this bubble and all you can see is the problems and cannot see anything beyond that….well my friends I can say that my PTSD bubble has finally been popped following treatment from Nik and Eva Speakman. It actually now feels like I’m seeing the world again for the very first time. I can see beyond the bubble that has held me in for far too long. The sessions were truly powerful and totally explained what was happening with me.

I’m not kidding when I say that after a session I climbed into my car and drove back giggling and laughing out loud. I felt like my hero Animal from Seasame Street and I just wanted to bang my drums loud!! I had a few people looking in at me but do you know what, I didn’t give a monkeys. For the first time in well over 2 years I felt elated and free from a heavy burden, a deep, deep fog. I cannot even begin to tell you what a release it is. I’m still a little stunned to be fair. I’ve had counselling for such a long time, re-living horrific moments over and over again. In the main session I finally understood where my threat thought processes were coming from. I was struggling to leave my front door because my mind was quite obviously telling me I was under threat. I lived in fear everytime I left my home, anxiety levels went through the roof on many occassions leading to some horrendous panic attacks.

So what have the lovely Speakmans done to lift the smothering fog off war which has held me down for so long? Schema Conditioning Psychotheraphy! They helped me to recognise the schemas which triggered terrible memories for me. Working through things really helped me to understand the process my mind was going through each time something was triggered. It appeared so simple when it was set out in front of me. We worked through some of my repeated images and thoughts but also talked about ‘dead Derrick’ which is what I now call my abuser.

Prior to this treatment I was fighting a daily battle, existing but getting through without ending the nightmare. As I have mentioned, for almost 2 years I was exposed to various treatment methods such as EMDR and CBT. They each opened up different thought processes at various levels but I was still living with it 24/7 to varying degrees. I would reach a certain level of recovery but then a trigger would bring me back down again, ready for the hell to rear it’s demonic head all over again. I was that low I had planned the way I was going to take my own life whilst making it look like an accident.

That thought process has now thankfully disappeared for me thanks to treatment received by Nik and Eva. A few days following treatment I was shopping in the Trafford Centre and going out for a meal with 9 other ladies in the centre of Manchester. I can attend The Laughing Cows comedy shows comfortably and stay for the whole show, spending quality time with some beautiful friends again.

Following the show which aired yesterday (link below), a couple of negative comments arose regarding how quickly the treatment had happened: “how ridiculous….this cannot happen in 15 mins…..PTSD can never be cured”…. I completely understand your thought process but treatment was indeed not over in such a short time. Lots happened behind the scenes from those moments aired. I still have terrible dreams but they have been diluted and hopefully will continue to do so. What Nik and Eva have done is to take away my threat schema. The thing that was holding me back, the schema that only allowed me to exist. They identified what it was that was making me think I was under threat all the time. In identifying this I was able to understand what was causing me to be so anxious all the time, and what it was that was forcing me to lock myself away. Releasing this has opened my eyes to the world again.

The Speakmans have quite literally stopped me from thinking of taking my own life. They are extremely passionate about what they do and let me just say….its such a simple process. I would like to publically thank them for taking the time to help me. You have both put the spark back in my eyes and a genuine smile back on my face. Now I want to help others in whatever way I can. Turning a terrible experience, a negative, into a positive.

http://www.itv.com/thismorning/hot-topics/the-speakmans-changed-my-life-raf-paramedic-michelle-sanderson-ptsd

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About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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4 Responses to The fog off war is lifting.

  1. You were awesome on the show yesterday. So, so happy that you are getting ur life back on track. Made my eyes leak. Keep us up to date on here, totally fascinating therapy x

    Like

  2. KTM says:

    Such an amazing story! I also suffer with PTSD in hindsight I think I have since I was probably 6 years old! As a military wife my environment doesn’t help me and I too hope one day I can crack my fears and starting Living. Your story gives me hope. Peace, light & love. Xxx

    Like

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