The battle rages on.


Yes, that is meant to be in capitals because I’m shouting it out as I write. Apart from the odd dizzy spell I have had no other side effects. The tingling and headaches have gone and I don’t feel sluggish. I have been absolutely shattered but that has not been down to the medication for the first time in over 2 years!!! I am shattered because I have been active for a few days. It feels great to be shattered; I never thought I would say that.

Things happen for a reason in life and I truly believe in that. My nanna & grandad need help now and I’m so pleased to be able to focus on them. As well as that my business is building albeit working in a therapeutic capacity just now. It matters not because it means I am getting out and about and can lose some of this extra weight I seem to be carrying.

I’m really not happy with that side effect of the meds. I’m hoping it drops off me again now I’m not on them anymore. I really cannot go back to having weight issues again. I don’t have a high opinion of myself in the physical sense to be fair. I guess it’s from years of people putting me down saying comments such as “you’ve got gorgeous eyes, it’s just a shame their in that face”, or “noone’s going to want you, your ugly as s&!t and f#@&ed up in the head”. I can hear you guys saying “Don’t listen to what they are saying; it doesn’t matter what they say”. I know your right but it doesn’t stop you getting down about it. For a long while I would eat but then make myself sick because I didn’t want to put anymore weight on. I would feel guilty for having a full meal & then nip to the loo to get rid of it. When I started to lose weight people would comment about how well I looked. This made me feel great so I continued to do this on and off. I have to be honest and say that I still think about doing it but have refrained from doing so thus far. I guess it will be a continuing battle but I will get there I’m sure. I’m taken on one battle at a time in order to fully beat them. I think all I can say to anyone else going through the same is the first step is to recognise and admit you have a battle that you need to take on. Always open to talk to anyone if you would like to.


About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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