Anyone can be a father…

So fathers day is upon us and I am well aware that this will be such a difficult time for so many, and for completely different reasons. Some no longer have a father due to them passing, some have a father ‘somewhere’ but have yet to meet. Others have fathers who don’t want them or that they don’t want to be associated with their fathers. If your blessed, you have the most amazing father or step father. Whatever your situation, you are not on your own and others ‘get you’.

The word ‘father’ or ‘dad’ has different meanings to different people and not always linked in the biological sense. I obviously have a biological father (I know right, who knew)! I haven’t seen him since I was 3 years old. I have absolutely no recollection of him at all and do not wish to have anything to do with him. Some have asked if I would ever track him down. Before he moved a couple of years ago I knew exactly where he lived but I wasn’t interested. My brother met up with him years later but as I see it he left us way back then and lost all rights to be in my life.

I have a step – dad who I used to call dad but I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years. He brought us up from the age of 3 onwards but I cannot say we were very close. I’m not sure why that was but I often think about him and how he’s doing. Things weren’t great at home as I was growing up and sadly I don’t have any fond ‘father-daughter’ memories. I have to be honest and it saddens me to say but I never had a father I could look up to. I don’t remember ever being a daddy’s girl and sadly looking back now, I cannot remember any fun playtimes wether that be on the park or anywhere else. That’s not to say there wasn’t any, I just cannot remember any.

Sadly growing up, due to the abuse etc I never really had a great account of a good man, a father figure. Looking back at past relationship I had with men (yes I did, kind of), I always went for older men. I know now that this was because I was looking for a father figure. At one point I was dating a man who was 19 or 20 years older than me and I was 17/18 at the time. I didn’t even think about it then but now I can see that I needed that bond with a good man. I’m glad to say I did grow out of this eventually. When I look back now I never experienced life with a great role model except my grandad.

Thankfully I had one strong, male role model holding me up all these years and that person is my grandad. When all other men have failed me, disappointed me or let me down I always look at him and say “you are a good man”. He has been my rock and my saviour. Other good male role models in my life have been Derrick Caddick who I call Daddy J because he looks like a chap called Jarvis who used to be in Emmerdale (don’t judge me because I like soaps)! He is the father of my dearest friend Lozzie and I’ve known him for over 12 years. He and Mummy J made me feel so very welcome and adopted me into their family. Sadly Mummy J is no longer with us but Jarvis is still going strong bless him. Another really decent man in my life was Mr McManchester (Jim McMillan) who again is sadly no longer with us. The first time I met him I climbed into the back of his taxi with his daughter Meesh. He had a Man Utd shirt on and a cap and the banter just flowed between us instantly. He was such a beautiful man. My mum has married a lovely man who I call Daddy Dave who has been there for me as a father should be. He’s kind hearted and is always there for me bless him. He is a good man for sure.

My life experiences could have turned me into a ‘not so nice’ person but they didn’t. Thankfully the rough journey taught me that there is good in people and to show it by just a smile in some cases, can mean the world to so many. I do not blame anyone for past hurts, I move on because it’s the right thing to do. Bad experiences can take someone into 2 directions. Firstly, you blame everyone else for what went wrong with your life, in which case it will continue to ruin you and you can never move forward. Or secondly, you accept that things happened that were quite obviously out of your control, by people who should have been protecting you. You ensure that with your actions, words and deeds you never hurt anyone else. Now, we are all human and you can never say never but as long as you strive not to hurt anyone then that’s you doing your best. Thankfully I am the latter and although I have hurt people in my past (not with any malice), I have learnt from this and I always strive to be the best person I can be. When I stand at those pearly gates I want to be remembered for my genuine heart, and apparently my sexy eyes!!

We sometimes have no choice over who enters our lives, we certainly don’t choose our father(s). This fathers day if you have a good man who looks out for you, wether that be a biological father, step dad, your friends dad or grandad, let them know you love them. If you have had a terrible experience and you no longer talk to your father then it’s ok. Fathers day can just be another Sunday, difficult as this may be. If you have sadly lost your father as my dear friend has then remember, you have them embedded solidly in your heart and forever etched in your mind with such beautiful memories. They remain with you always.

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About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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