Finally body and mojo back in sync.

Talk about throwing myself in at the deep end!! I guess I wanted to challenge myself like I used to do and see if my mojo had indeed returned.

A few weeks ago I offered to take on the role as press officer for a huge festival (LFEST) at Uttoxeter Racecourse. I was already on the crew and had taken part in promo weekends throughout the year, all of which went well. Not doing things by half I decided to raise the bar to start to increase my capacity again. It could only go one of 2 ways. So I received a list of contacts about a week prior to the festival and I spent that week pushing for as much press coverage as possible. The day arrived to take the journey to the festival site and feeling all prepared. This certainly was going to be some challenge for me but one I thought I was now ready to take.

I arrived Thursday evening after a VERY crazy day. I had so much crammed into one day and my anxiety levels were pushing above what I’d been experiencing over the last few weeks. With my nan being poorly in hospital/nursing home, and my grandad being on his own at home it was a worry but my nan eventually came home thursday. I was also preparing for a 2nd interview at Wigan Council as a case worker for Armed Forces, families and veterans. This was a job I really wanted so I was so nervous. I am very pleased to tell you that following the interview on thursday I was offered the job! Two results by thursday afternoon. So my car broke down on wednesday afternoon and the garage kindly offered to fit me in. I took it in thursday morning but sadly it wasn’t going to be ready in time. I was rescued by my daddy Dave who leant me his car for the weekend. Finally I had planned to attend an evening with a fabulous author Amanda Prowse. I also managed to attend this which was great, and what an amazing lady. I had to leave before the end so I could make the crew meeting at 9pm in Uttoxeter. Phew; what a Thursday!!

My press officer role began in earnest early the following morning and then didn’t stop until the last interview yesterday afternoon. My role was to liaise between the various press agencies and the artists/performers/musicians to arrange interviews. It was so very busy but I have to say it was absolutely amazing! Everything went to plan with over 20 interviews arranged and successfully executed. So much coverage for LFEST and challenge accomplished for myself. To be fair I proper SMASHED it!!!!!!

I managed some time off to enjoy some time with old and new friends, as well as being able to watch some amazing acts. I was walking through crowds throughout the weekend, with allsorts of different noises swooping through my ears. I even attended the cowboy party on the Saturday night and had a dance. Now that’s something I haven’t done in such a long time. I felt very comfortable throughout the weekend with only small bursts of anxiety thrown into the mix. I just escaped to the press room a few times which worked wonders.

I’m now sat in bed, feet still throbbing from being on them all weekend, smiling because I achieved something great. I jumped yet another hurdle and I’m still smiling with my mouth and eyes!! I want you guys out there to know that the fight is most definitely worth fighting. A few months ago I had planned on how I was going to take my own life. I had spent too long in the darkness, smothering me from outside as well as inside. I thought I had nowhere to turn, there was no way out of the pit but yet here I find myself. I’m feeling on top of the world after the most amazing weekend having achieved so much. I controlled my anxiety and thoroughly enjoyed partying. Bring on the future day by day, step by step. I know I will continue to stubble along the way that’s ok. I can do this and so can you. Go get em!!!!

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About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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