Music driving you down memory lane.

So last week I stayed in Blackburn looking after my sisters dogs. I had taken some paperwork and a list of tasks I wanted to get done whilst I was there. I wanted to do so many things but I had absolutely no motivation whatsoever!

One of the days I switched on my laptop to do some work. However, I spent most of my day sorting through my music library!!! I completed none of the tasks from my list but I had a great journey down memory lane as I worked through all my music. I had no idea where I had picked up half my tunes from but I certainly had some awesome music!! Lots of memories came flooding back to me as music started to play, memories both good and bad: mainly good.

My music taste is very wide and varied to say the list. Music reaches parts of your soul that nothing, or noone could ever hope to reach. When you have something to say but you can’t find the words, there is always a song that can say it for you. Whatever mood you find yourself in there is a genre of music to fit. I could name so many songs which truly hit me, releasing so many images in my mind as well as physical changes in my heartbeat, breathing and stirrings throughout my body. Some of those songs which will always reach me are: If your not the one, Hard Habit to Break, Penny Lover, The Tears of a Clown, Wind Beneath My Wings and Come What May.

Another song I came across whilst sorting my tunes was from Withering Heights by Kate Bush. The melody took me right back to when I was 8. I was stood in the school playground and there was a torrential downpour which continued throughout the day. We were picked up from school by friends of my parents and taken to their house. Apparently our house had been flooded. Eventually we were picked up and taken home. We waded through water to reach our house. As we entered the house I could hear Kate Bush wailing out. We had to live upstairs for a couple of days until the floods had subsided. Quite the adventure!!!

Other memories came flooding in about that house so I decided to go and take a look at the place. The house and area featured in some of my dreams so I wanted to go and take a look. I drove from Blackburn and it took only 15 minutes to reach the turning into Bannister Hall Crescent. As I drove around the first thing I noticed was that the shop, which also featured in my dream, had now gone and a bungalow stood in its place. I then drove past a house where we used to play and I remembered my brother split his head open. I reached the house and slowed down. I was suddenly aware of a weird feeling at the pit of stomach. I felt sick and I felt a little tremor in my arms. It was weird though because although it was definately the right house I didn’t really recognise it. Sadly though it held too many bad memories which were buried deep inside. This was the start of dead Derrick taking away my innocence. This was the place I was battered in the street by bullies who consistently plagued me. I decided to drive away, I’d seen enough. I drove past a park we used to play on as kids and then past the road to a place called Red Rock. We used to go there all the time. I was so tempted to go and take a look but I was happy to drive past; holding one of the few great memories I take away from my childhood.

As I drove over to visit my other sister who lives in Preston I drove down another street we used to live on when I was much younger. Bizarrely as I approached the old house on Great Townley Street I didn’t experience the same emotions I felt earlier on. I don’t hold many memories from there to be honest. I remember my step dad having a motorbike in the kitchen and I have a vague recollection of joining brownies. Randomly the main memory from back then was when I had been run over on the main road. I was giving a piggy back to my cousin I think it was. The lights changed and I started to cross the main road with her on my back. I didnt see the car about to jump the lights. I felt an impact then all I remember is waking up, seeing this stranger looking down at me. I was then suddenly aware of extreme pain in my left ankle. It transpired my cousin had seen the car at the last minute and managed to jump off my back which was a good thing. The car had hit me, my foot had been trapped under the wheel and I was twisted and knocked to the ground. As well as the broken bone I had also sustained torn ligaments and a painful deep friction burn caused by the tyre. Not the nicest of memories to take away from there. Nonetheless I never really had any bitterness or troubled memories from that house.

Music gave me an escape during some really tough times. Every individual existing in this world is different but the one common language connecting all of us is music. That one common language. Close your eyes, put on some music and escape to wherever you want to be. Beautiful, sweet music xx

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About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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