Can justice be served?

Just sat watching the news and there is a news piece stating a violin teacher had taken his own life at his home in the US. Initially I felt sad for him but then I zoned in to the background story. He had been accused of sexually assaulting his students and was due to appear in court. He killed himself to avoid his day in court meaning justice won’t be served!! This took me back to the time I confronted dead Derrick!

It’s really difficult when this happens, I experienced very mixed emotions. When I found out that Derrick was dead I wasn’t that surprised. Two weeks after being confronted by me I found out he was dead!!! I was thankful that he had at least admitted everything to the police. I was also kind of relieved in a way that I wouldn’t have to face him in court. Seeing him for the first time after all those years was scary indeed and I wasn’t relishing the thought of seeing him in the dock.

On the news they stated that one of the girls was relieved she didn’t have to give evidence. They also showed a picture of a young girl who had killed herself after giving evidence against her abuser. So why would she do that? From my personal experience, all I can say is that it is like having to live through it all over again. It never leaves you throughout your life but you try to live through it the best you can. As a child, your going through it but your too young to comprehend what’s going on. Having to face the same abuser as an adult, revisiting those horrific times is quite frankly tough enough. Add to the mix an adult mind with added emotions of guilt and shame and things can become too difficult to handle. It’s just really difficult to stomach when facing the reality of it.

I had a vision for years of this man who took my innocence but when I confronted him, he was just a pathetic old man! I think the main thing I hold onto is the fact he made an admission to me and to the police. Not many people who experienced sexual abuse will ever have that as today’s news showed.

This was the moment I confronted my sexual abuser.:

About mitsanuk

I left the RAF in 2015 following 20 years as a frontline paramedic. It has been an amazing career but then found myself suffering because of this. My blog exists as an outlet for me as well as a place for others to read and try to understand the mind of someone with PTSD. Please feel free to make comment on any post and lets raise some discussions on how we can help to end the stigma which surrounds mental illness. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please follow and share in the hope my experience will help others.
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